my most unhappy days in my life

I had a quarrel with my girlfriend for almost 2 months and this is the worse record i ever had when i with my 2 ex...and i getting more violent against her which this is not suppose to be who am i but i just cant understand,1st her attitude is really sucks and i feel want to slap her but i cant do it coz i love her so much..and i dont understand why my stupid mouth keep wanting to say the word breakup.Maybe is because i'm her 1st " bf " thats why i dare to say out and treathen her coz all the while i been dump by my 1st and 2nd ex and maybe i wanted to revenge.We gone thru a lot of sad and happy things with her like when i got no money she give me all her savings just to see me eat coz i always skip my lunch and dinner and even my birthday no 1 has celebrate it ever since i born but she is the 1st 1 celebrate it..i just miss her so much and i really dont know what i really want..most of the promises that i commit i did not fulfill and i really feel bad about it..i wish i could change all the things happen to this 2 month back to how me and my girlfriend use to..when we start how romantic we are and how happy we are..and now,what have become us...we been together for almost 2 years..